Discombobulated

I have a confession to make, I love yoga pants, before you judge me, I don’t wear them anywhere but to work out and at home. I gotta tell ya, these are the most comfortable things I have ever put on. I LOVE them; once again will NEVER wear them to the store or anywhere but to work out and at home.

As I sit here, watching Star Trek (J.J. Abrams version) I am reminded how much I love the character of Spock, and all of them. I know a lot of original fans of TOS (for those of you not in the know, that stands for The Original Series) they abhor this carnation of the universe that they are so fond of.

As for me, I take it for what it is, a version, someone else’s vision of what this would look like if something catastrophic happened. It is a different timeline, the personalities are there, however different happenings have shaped them and the trajectory of their lives. Please note though, they all come together, they are all still on board the Enterprise. Seeing it, seeing the two Spock’s is like wrapping ones self in a warm fuzzy blanket.

This entry will be filled with randomness as I am feeling discombobulated, I feel as if I have lost a friend, someone who gave me hope through out a rough middle childhood. So my thoughts are a bit scattered at the moment.

I lost an uncle last week,

While, as an adult, I didn’t know him that well, I will admit that, when I was very young he was one of my favorites and he is the father of my favorite male cousin. My uncle was the one who influenced the trajectory of my life when I made the decision to take my Aunt Odela (who became my mother) up on her offer to “visit” her and my Uncle Foy (who became my father) in Owasso. Please see that story here http://www.angieworld.com/2012/08/my-life-story-sorta/, I have a lot to thank him for as it was the single best decision that I ever made.

It gave me Owasso, it gave me the best friend a person could ever have, it gave me the best parents, the best church to grow up in, it gave me the most amazing children a person has ever been privileged enough to have. I owe a lot to that Uncle and I will be going to his memorial next weekend to say a proper thank you and goodbye to him. After all it’s only logical, sorry had to throw that in.

Last week I also had to go to the doctor, I had a cyst on the top of my head; yes you read that correctly. It was painful and disgusting, however the doctor was able to get the whole thing and I do not have to go to a surgeon. Now I have to go to a doctor for my hurting elbow, I don’t even know what is going on; I am supposed to be getting stronger, not falling apart!

 

Live Long and Prosper

I was sitting at work, helping a customer, when news crawl on the bottom of the big screen at work came across with the words I did not expect to see. Leonard Nimoy was gone; the world lost the first logical character on television.

I was momentarily shocked; I gathered myself and continued on with my call, as that is what we do at the major telecommunications corporation. We put our emotions behind us while we do our jobs.

As I processed the news, and it began to really sink in, I felt lost and empty; Star Trek has been a big part of my life since I can remember. I first saw the show when I was 4 years old and fell in love.

It came to mean more to me over the years, from the time I was five until I was 12, my childhood was, how shall I put this, difficult. I don’t talk about it, because it is of the past, but it was this time period that television became a huge part of my life. Television, along with books became my escapism, I learned at an early age I could take myself outside of the chaos that was my life and go to other places.

Star Trek was especially wonderful, I could go to other planets, and it had a figure that was logical, Spock brought logic into my chaotic, unbalanced world. He made everything right, he was my touchstone, I could always rely on his character to be the center of morality and he made sense.

As I grew older, my love for Star Trek and the character Spock has only grown, I didn’t outgrow science fiction, I grew up in it.

Losing Leonard Nimoy is like losing an old friend, my heart is hurt, I wish I could have met him, to tell him what his portrayal of Spock meant to that little girl. How the character influenced my thought process, how he gave me calmness and logic in the midst of chaos and instability.

This day has been a rough one, but then God brought the snow and somehow that is comforting. Snow is the great equalizer; it will blanket everything and make the world beautiful. How fitting that should happen on the day we lose Spock to the great heavens in the sky.

One final time he is being beamed up, and we are all richer for his being on this earth for as long as he was.

LLAP

Fruits of the Spirit

On Saturday, Valentines Day, our Ladies that Lunch gathered for our celebration of the day. We gathered at the Chocolate Angel in the Antique Mall in Plano, it is a lovely place with awesome food.

My friend Wanda gave us all Valentines gifts, she had gotten the Nine Fruits of the Spirit books, each book was a different gift. She wrapped them and gave them out, now, after wrapping them she didn’t know which person would get which book. As it turns out, as each of us opened our gifts, we all said, oh this is something I struggle with.

It’s funny how God always knows what we need when we need it, I know what you are wondering, which did I get. Well I got kindness, which is something I struggle with, as I have a naturally acerbic personality.

When someone says something I deem, well, stupid, I have a tendency to want to call him or her on it. I have to stop myself, when I was younger I didn’t always do that, with disastrous results.

As I grow, I don’t like the word older, hmmm how about more mature, I realize that the need to call people out on things they say is actually demeaning to the person saying it. There is no need to hurt people emotionally or verbally, we each have our own demons to deal with, no one needs me as another.

I will be going through the devotional and work on being kinder to my fellow humans.

I once went through a study of the Gifts of the Spirit, which is different than Fruits of the Spirit, I had three equal Gifts, Prophecy, Wisdom and Faith, sometimes I see them come out and I am awed because I know they are not from me, they are from Him.

I would urge everyone to find out their Gifts and Fruits, I have never engaged in a study of the Fruits, I would be interested to find out what mine are.

I know they are ever changing, Gifts and Fruits from God are not static, and they change, as He needs you to change. I know several that I have never been blessed with, patience has never been one of mine, I know that for a fact.

I can say Joy has been mine, I can say that with certainty, and Faithfulness, those two are a constant within me.

I would be interested to know if anyone out there has ever really thought about this and what you consider yours to be and if you struggle with something in particular.

I’ll sign off for now, I hope to hear from you all.

 

No Snow

Well last week was it, the week of my birthday, I turned 51, yes, I said it, 51, what an interesting age this is. Especially shopping for clothes, they are either too old or too young; it is disheartening. Especially as I continue to lose weight, I want cute clothes, not old woman clothes.

I don’t want to dress dowdy, I want to wear cute, fitted jeans, I don’t want to wear loose clothing. I do like pajamas, however, I can’t wear those outside the house, which is one rule I will never break. Elizabeth Anne, take heed, never, ever let me leave the house in pajamas when I am senile. Make sure I have real clothes on.

I took the week off of work and it was glorious, I had a lot of lunches, I napped, I spent time with two of my children and Tessa.

I was never much of a nap person, until last week, I found them lovely, considering I was up early and working out the nap was awesome.

Speaking of working out, I have lost another 6 pounds and 8 inches overall, I continue to shrink and what is even better I continue to gain strength.

I did have cake, but that was on Valentines Day, at the Chocolate Angel, my good friend Wanda arranged a couples dinner and we were on the invite list.

It was so much fun, there were 7 couples and I only knew two of them, the others were so fun. They were engaging, witty and like me, they seemed like they had never met a stranger.

It was fun getting dressed up in one of my Tahari dresses and heels and having a wonderful meal with great conversation.

I also had a Friday the 13th last week; those are my favorite days as they are good luck days in my family.

The only thing that put a damper on my week was no snow; this year I did not get snow on my birthday. At first I felt neglected, it is after all how God shows me He loves me. At least that is what my mom always told me, snow is my friend, it comforts me, it turns everything drab and ugly into a glistening wonderful world. Filled with hushed silence and a weight that envelopes one, it simply speaks of love without saying a word.

I have to think that perhaps someone up North needed it more than I this year, maybe they were particularly lonely and needed the cool embrace that comes with snow. I’ll never know, I just shall pin my hopes on next year.

Well, I am off now, to more torture at Infinity Personal Training, where I sweat the weight away and get into zombie fighting shape.

 

 

 

Personal Trainer Reflections

About 3 or 4 weeks ago Kellie Raspberry said something provocative on the air. It was during Love Letters to Kellie and it was a man writing in to say his wife had issues with him having a female workout buddy. She said not a good idea, while I agree with her on that point, it was the next one I disagreed with.
She went on to say a lot of personal trainers end up having affairs with their clients due to the close connection people feel while sweating together. Not her words, mine, I’m paraphrasing.
Her observations did lend insight to her divorce, however I took umbrage with the observation. I have 0 desire to fool around with any of my trainers due to the fact I see them as torturers rather than demigods.
Add that to the fact they are the same age as my children, well you have a recipe for rebellion on my part, as my fondest wish is to do nothing but sit at home, eat puffy Cheetos and get fat. I pay these people to help me get lean and healthy, which begs the question. If you are paying someone for a service and they provide a different service does that make them a hooker or gigalo?
I can understand what Kellie was saying, if you do have a trainer that comes to your home and you are working in a very intimate setting; And you are one on one. I can see where things would go awry. However still begs the question are you paying for more than one service?
I know my situation is different and it is not that intimate setting, it is with a minimum of 8 people and the trainer. But I gotta tell ya, even if it was one on one, I would still see that person as my torturer, add in the age factor and I am paying them. Well, never gonna happen.

Happy Birthday Elizabeth Anne

Today is the day, the day my daughter was born, it is a day I will never forget. When we went to the hospital it was sunny and warm, we even went in shorts, in February! By the time she was born it was a raging snowstorm, it was a perfect way to have her.

So here we are, 26 years later and I have a few things to say to her:

Dear Elizabeth Anne,

When I found out I was pregnant with you, I began to pray, I prayed I would have a daughter. But more than that, I prayed for the kind of daughter I wanted, as I knew I would have you the rest of my life.

I prayed you would have long dark hair and big dark eyes, you see I have a picture of my great Aunt Linnie when she was about 4 years old and she had the most beautiful long dark hair and the biggest dark eyes. I wanted a daughter that looked just like that, God listens, you looked exactly like that picture when you were the same age.

I also began to pray for your personality and your core being, as I knew I wouldn’t be with you everywhere you went in life. I prayed you would be strong, physically and emotionally, I prayed you would be funny, smart and inventive in your thinking. I prayed you would be stubborn, just enough to where you would never be taken advantage of, I prayed you would be opinionated, but not so much that you wouldn’t listen to others opinions.

I prayed, that when you grew up you would know who God is and His son that He sent for us. I prayed for everything that you are and will become.

God does answer prayers, because I not only received what I asked for, I received more than I asked for. I was blessed with a daughter that at times made me want to run screaming for the hills because you were stubborn, opinionated and smart. I was blessed with a daughter that is caring and takes care of those around her, even if they don’t know you are doing it; I see it.

I see the way you care for your new bonus daughter, I see the way your care for your new husband and I see the way you care for your animals.

I also see the ways you take care of me, even if it means a new car payment for me (I had to throw that in, I hope you got credit for that sale BTW).

More than anything I see what an amazing woman you have grown to be, all of the traits I prayed for are there, you are strong, smart, funny and will find a way when others have given up.

I don’t know any other young woman that could actually help a cow give birth in the middle of a field in the dark and hang on until help came in the form of a neighbor boy.

Always remember, you are truly remarkable, you are the daughter I prayed for, you have everything I wanted and more.

I love you more today than the day you were born and I don’t even know how that is possible, it just is.

 

Love,

 

Mom